Camping Ranting

So, Labor Day weekend my husband and I went tent camping in the Sierras. We had planned to stay for three nights. We left after only one. Why? in my mind it was because far too many campers simply do not possess common camping sense or practice common camping courtesy.  In fact, I have a strong suspicion that some of these so-called "campers" view camping merely as a cheap alternative to the hotel room they truly desire.

Thus I was inspired to create a common-sense etiquette guide for camping, but instead, I offer you two open letters to the fellow campers that made our camping experience less than ideal.

Boys and Thier Toys

Dear fellow campers -

We couldn’t help but remark upon the hulking behemoth of a portable apartment building parked on your modestly-sized campsite. How clever that it actually has a four-motorcycle garage at the back, and how convenient. You and your three “best-buds” were able to each bring a bike for your long, stud weekend in the Sierras. Where does one go to ride those dirt-bikes in the Sierras, I wonder? And at 6:30AM, too! How very industrious.

I just wonder if you are quite certain this is where you intended to “camp”. You will no doubt have noticed that the campsites here are not exceedingly large. In fact, now that you have placed the apartment building (with attached garage), the two-man tent and the four motorcycles on your campsite, there is no alternative but for your king-sized pickup truck (Goodness! What large tires!), to poke conspicuously out into the drive that enters the campground. Also, you are aware that this campground has no running water, are you not? And no hookups? Silly me! Of course you are aware there are no hookups! Otherwise, you would not have brought the generator with which you so graciously lulled us to sleep last night. Why, I do believe I heard the crickets and the frogs in the surrounding woods give up altogether when faced with your generator’s mighty thrum.

It might interest you to know that there is a campground a few clicks down the road specifically designed for RV and trailer camping. There are LARGE spaces, hookups and even a shower facility provided. I know you would appreciate the showers since you and your friends must have spent a great deal of money on your body art. It seems a shame all those tattoos should be hidden under a layer of campsite grime.

Regards,

Site #1

A Family Affair

Dear fellow campers –

Family is so important. It is wonderful that your extended family enjoys vacationing together. Two, or is it three families on one campsite! That’s impressive. The smallest one in the campground, too. How ironic that the smallest site will host the largest group. One. . . two. . three. . . EIGHT of which are children! They have the adults outnumbered two to one.  Let's hope the dears don't decide to mutiny.

I just wanted to thank your family for helping us decide whether to stay through the weekend, or to go home. Watching all of you tumble energetically out of two cars like a Ringling Brothers circus act this morning, left us still on the fence. However, when the first bit of “camping gear” to come out of those cars proved to be a portable stereo the size of Rhode Island, we had reached a decision.

Our campsite reservation is prepaid and nonrefundable. Please avail yourselves. It is right next to yours and I think it will handle two or three of your smaller tents quite comfortably.

Best,

Site # 1