So lie to me. Answer one question for each deadly sin with a made-up answer.
Pride
What is your biggest contribution to the world?
I recently wrote a magnificent novel for and presented it to Queen Elizabeth II on her birthday. It was a fictional history of the United States, had the United States never fought for independence from the British Empire. It took ten years to research and another ten to write and edit. She finished it one Sunday while we were on holiday together at Balmoral and Queenie (as I like to call her) pronounced the work to be of such profound beauty and brilliance that she knighted me on the spot. By the way, I would thank you to refer to me as “Dame” henceforward.
Envy
What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?
Enormous buttocks. Speaking of which:
Gluttony
What did you eat last night?
Interesting you should ask! I baked a German chocolate cake and ate the entire thing in one sitting. Then, deciding it was time for dinner, I chased its chocolatey goodness with two very dry Vodka Gibsons.
Lust
What really lights your fire?
Nothing gets me going like a good tractor-pull. The taste of gasonline on the wind . . . the animalistic filth of it . . . the HUGE tractors . . . the vaguely inappropriate camaraderie of odiferous aficionados of tractor-pullery. I really must take Queenie sometime.
Anger
What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
I’m so sorry. I can’t help you there. I have reached a state of emotional equilibrium wherein I remain above such puerile emotions.
Greed
Name something you hoard and keep from others.
Rubbish. Why should the city get all my lovely garbage for free? They have refused to purchase it at my more than reasonable asking price, so I now compact it myself and use it to build landscape features. Next week I begin shipping the blocks back east to start construction of a new home in the Hamptons.
Sloth
What’s the laziest thing you ever did?
I once drowned in a wading pool because I was too lazy to . . . well . . . wade.
7 comments:
Came her from San Diego Mama and can't stop laughing. This is hilarious!
Where can I get a copy of the book? If Queenie endorses it, it must be good.
Thanks, MommyTime! I very much enjoyed your PrompTuesday contribution, too. Good job with those paper clips, by the way. Don't know what Id do without them. Probably lose a lot of paper.
Mama Mary - I have made arrangements to have all six volumes published posthumously. Barring any tragic mishap, I imagine that will be sometime around 2050, so watch the shelves! ;)
I would like you to coach me on reaching emotional equilibrium.
I am sick of having puerile emotions.
I am also sorry to hear of your death by non-wading.
Parents who are looking for their babies' protection instructions, here's some good writing for you. I advise that you read it to make sure that your child is secure.
Mega Souk
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